Well, I'm Worse Than I Thought I Was!

COMMENTS

While I believe what I said in my last post is true, God was not content to leave me there.  I praise Him for that.  This blog will best be understood if read in connection with the last one, “Well, I’m Not As Bad As She Is!”

NOTES

After I wrote that last blog, God started working on my heart.  Shortly thereafter, I started reading 1 Timothy.  It was written by the apostle Paul (formerly Saul) to Timothy, a young man who was the leader of the church in Ephesus.  I didn’t get very far before the Lord stopped me in my tracks.  Here’s 1 Timothy 1:15-17:

“Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance:  Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.  But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.  Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.”

Now, I know that Saul was a passionate enemy of the early church and even hunted down Christians, believing them to be blasphemers and heretics who had abandoned and even turned against the One True God.  But was he truly “the worst of sinners”?  Worse than those evil kings we read about in the Old Testament who attacked, tortured, and took millions of God’s people into slavery?  To my mind, no.  He came after a few, but they came after the entire nation.  Still, he considered himself “the worst of sinners”.

As the days went by, I was consumed by Paul’s words.  He considered himself the worst of sinners, but he was TONS better than me.  As I said in my last post, I KNOW I’m a sinner.  No question about that.  However, if Paul was so much better than I am, how could I not surpass him as “the worst of sinners”.  Something just wasn’t adding up.

God continued working on me.  Although I don’t believe I will ever be able to fully grasp it, I began to get a glimpse of things from God’s viewpoint.  That “comparison” thing is what’s hanging me up.  In spite of what I think, say, or write, I still compare myself to others—preferably to those to whom I compare favorably!  In other words, I compare myself to people who, in my mind, make me look like less of a sinner.  That led me to an eye-opening revelation:

COMPARISON ITSELF IS A SIN.

It DISCOUNTS and MINIMIZES my sin.

Last time, I asked what I thought was the “right” question:  Am I a sinner?  This time I must ask an even more basic, more probing question:  What is sin?  REALLY.  At its deepest, most critical level, what IS sin?

I’m ashamed to say that I’ve only looked at sin from a bird’s eye view, a “dictionary” meaning:  Sin is “an offense against [God]”; a “transgression of the law of God”.  I truly recognize that I am a sinner, and I name the sins I’m aware of and ask God to forgive me for them all, known and unknown.  I have truly accepted Jesus as my Savior, and I dearly love Him.  However, God has chosen this moment in my life to call me to a deeper understanding of sin and why He doesn’t see sin in levels or degrees.  SIN IS SIN!

I doubt that I can put into words the thoughts in my head and the feelings in my heart.  I pray that God will take the words I write and do in your heart what He wants to do.

Sin is truly not anything that can be compared.  I have deceived myself (and listened to Satan) by falling into the “comparison” trap.  The last verse of the passage quoted above (1 Timothy 1:17) says:  “Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.”

Anytime I don’t honor God as the “King eternal”, the “immortal” God, the “invisible” God, “the only God”, I discredit Him.  He is good, kind, patient, loving, strong, forgiving, and generous.  More than that, He is worthy of all blessing, honor, glory, praise, adoration, and OBEDIENCE.  He is God Almighty, Lord of All.

Sin is not telling a lie, stealing, or even committing murder.  Although these things qualify as sins, sin is more; it is deeper.  Sin is anything that doesn’t treat, recognize, and honor God for who He is.

When I recognize that and stop the comparisons, I can begin to get just a glimpse of how truly ugly my sins are.  Lord, I beg you to pierce my heart with the realization that I truly am the worst of sinners.  Break my heart every time I dishonor You.  Help me to fight the temptation to compare.  Give me a heart that longs to bring honor and glory to Your Name in all that I do, think, and say.  Most of all, THANK YOU that you have covered my sins with the blood of Jesus and that I am your FORGIVEN child!!